#happiness (How can I get some of that?!)

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#happiness is one of the most popular hashtags around. Makes sense right? Whoever doesn’t want happiness in their life say “I” (room goes silent now). But the question is…how do we get this thing called happiness? How do we summon this “greater power” throughout our days, weeks, months…lifetime? Let’s examine.

First of all, what is happiness? That’s a loaded question and there seems to be some variation in answers. So let’s start by looking at one happiness researcher’s definition. In her book The How of Happiness, positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.”

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OK, so where does happiness really come from, and how does it mysteriously appear? Some have said that it arrives as a reaction to outside events, the events that bring us joy. While others discuss it as being an inside job (it is conjured up from within ourselves).

I believe that it is something that is summoned from within ourselves. Sure, it may seemingly feel like an outside event is the trigger, however the exact same outside event can mean different things to different people. It’s intentional activity that’s really important here; it’s how we choose to create or do an activity, and ultimately our response to it. Think about it – a simple thing could cause one person to be unhappy while another person could be joyous. The event is exactly the same. It’s our reaction to the event that can be so different.

In fact according to research, approximately 50% of our happiness is accounted for by genetics, 10% by life circumstances, and 40% by intentional activity. The 40% intentional activity is what we should focus on changing, and I will discuss some ways to do this shortly.

Now what about “joy”, how does this relate to happiness? We are all well aware of the moment-to-moment times of joy that seem to arrive like when we see a baby smile or a tail-wagging happy puppy. But have you seen the popular movie Inside Out where we learn from the character named Joy – that real happiness involves a suite of emotions including sadness, not just joy.

Yes, you read that correctly, sustained happiness will include times of sadness, believe it or not. Happiness is not simply a constant euphoric state of joy without negative emotions included along the way. Unhappy emotions like anger, fear, and sadness are quite normal, and at times, appropriate. If we continually set a high bar for happiness, we can become disappointed when we don’t meet that bar. An acceptance of some “negative” emotions is ok.

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So how can we use this information to have happiness continue with us along our journey called LIFE? How do we get and sustain happiness, which includes contentment, positive well-being, combined with a sense of meaningfulness?

This is a question many of us talk about and, I have have often wondered about this sometimes illusive state of happiness too. So let’s get to it…here are three important ways of conjuring up more happiness in our lives:

1.Practicing “pro-social” qualities like human connection, gratitude, and compassion, etc. Regularly practicing pro-social qualities can help us feel more connected to others and connecting to something higher outside of the self. Check out this fantastic 12 minute TEDtalk on an exciting 75 year Harvard study on living the good life. The #1 thing learned in this study is that good relationships keep you happier and healthier….period! The quality of your relationships really matter, not necessarily the quantity. Good relationships with family, friends, and community are what really matter. And besides general happiness in life, there are many other benefits as mentioned in the video.

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2. Mindfulness (and resulting awareness). Be present. In an article on Mindfulness , well-known mindfulness guru Jon Kabat-Zinn discusses how to cultivate mindfulness as follows: “although mindfulness can be cultivated through formal meditation, that’s not the only way. It’s not really about sitting in the full lotus, like pretending you’re a statue in a British museum,” he says…“It’s about living your life as if it really mattered, moment by moment by moment by moment.”

Here are a three key components of practicing mindfulness that Kabat-Zinn and others identify:
• Turn your mind to your breathing, really noticing it, especially when you’re feeling intense emotions.
• Notice what you’re sensing in a given moment, the sights, sounds, and smells that ordinarily slip by without reaching your conscious awareness.
• Recognize that your thoughts and emotions are fleeting and do not define you, an insight that can free you from negative thought patterns.

Mindfulness is important in that it includes awareness. Consider self-awareness: we can’t be authentic without being ourselves. And we can’t be ourselves without really knowing ourselves. Therefore, being authentic all starts with self-awareness.

Consider being more aware of your reaction to words and actions, be it positive or negative. Try pausing for a second before reacting to anything, and generally pausing from time-to-time in your everyday life. This gives your prefrontal cortex time to access a more positive pathway (a higher road) to take in your reaction to anything, be it positive or negative. Consider Gandhi’s famous quote:

‘Happiness is when what you think, say and do are in harmony’

Personally, I have found meditation helps with taking pauses at opportune times, and for thinking things through with greater clarity and purpose. This doesn’t happen overnight, so give it a few weeks of honest effort before judging.

3. Flow. Famed psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihaly coined the term flow to describe a particular state of heightened consciousness. Flow can appear when we do certain activities throughout the day or week, ones that can increase our joyous moments.

These activities should be ones that you really enjoy, a favorite activity. Think about this for a moment. What are some things that have brought you joy over the years? Was it a sport or an activity? Visiting family or friends or animals perhaps? Achieving a goal? Reading? There are so many possibilities!

Other ways of referring to this state of Flow are “being in the zone” or times where you are involved in something so deeply that nothing else seems to matter and you may lose track of time. Researchers have shown that states of flow have a strong association to happiness.

So there you have it in a nutshell. Practice the above and I think that you will see a subtle difference over time. I am making positive strides in practicing these things – and really hope that you will try also. I would love to hear how it goes!

Stay tuned for Part II of this Happiness blog where I will discuss further happiness actions to include in your daily routine.

In joy and happiness,

Kevin

Embracing Your Best Life Every Day

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As I sit here having breakfast in Victoria BC, I look out of a window and can see a snippet of the ocean and lots of beautiful trees including the beautiful Arbutus tree. As wonderful as this is, you know what I found even more exciting? You guessed it – one of my fave songs from the 80’s (I have many) appeared on the radio station – Heaven by Warrant. Isn’t it interesting and wonderful how happy moments can appear out of the blue anywhere you are? Why is this?

As human beings we have the ability to make a conscious choice to embrace life and live our best life. It’s almost magical how fear, anxiety, anger, etc seem to diminish when you are “in the moment” focused on something more positive.

Now, living our best life can mean different things to different people. I don’t suspect hearing Warrant on the radio is an absolute joy for many of you as it is for me and I’m ok with that. I’m me and you’re you, and this is a wonderful thing. What would life be like if we were all exactly the same? Yawn….boring perhaps?

Living your best life is really about showing up in the moment, wherever and whenever that may be. Remember that wherever you go, there you are.

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Life is also lived best when we accept life as it is (suspending judgment, but you never judge right….RIGHT?!?). Also every day remember to try and learn from your mistakes (yes we all make them), and then making better choices every day because you learned from your mistakes…right!?!

Want this year to be the best one yet? It’s not too late to start. Keep in mind that making better choices throughout the day often involves, but definitely not limited to the following 9 important elements:

  • Openness – opening your heart to love and new experiences. Even in you shut down at times, it’s not too late to reverse these instances. Ask yourself why you shut down. Try to detach from negativity in your past, it’s not who you are now. Take the high road.
  • Mindfulness – practice, practice, practice. Try taking some deep slow breaths every day. When you catch yourself lost in thought, bring it back to the present moment. Wherever you show up, be there 100%.
  • Resilience – getting back up and dusting off whenever life challenges you or knocks you down. Everyone takes knock downs in life. Get back up. If you stumble, try again and again. If you need to take a different direction then adjust your sail. Don’t ever quit!
  • Kindness – choosing kindness and compassion over the need to always be right (one aspect of the essence vs the ego). It takes a big person to admit when they’re wrong. Be a bigger person.
  • Values – living true to your values. Do you know what being in-congruence with your values means? It’s when what you do aligns with what you value. Living this way leads to peace of mind.
  • Giving – give or give back in some meaningful way. This can be through giving your time or money. Consider the phrase…life is not about me, it’s about WE.
  • Courage – turning your fears into courage. I know from experience…easier said than done hey. This one is not easy but it’s doable. Life isn’t about living in our comfort zone and wishing everything is perfect. Life is never this way and that’s in part what makes life so interesting. It’s about feeling the fear or scariness of something but pushing yourself to do it anyways. You might trip, or even flat out do a face plant. And that’s ok. Dust yourself off and try it again. And again. Courage takes practice. There are countless successful people in the world who failed so many times but they didn’t let that stop them.
  • Acceptance – this one is so important. It’s about accepting who you are, scars and all! You are perfectly imperfect. You are beautiful…YES YOU!
  • Growth – do one thing today that you didn’t do yesterday. It doesn’t have to be earth shattering. Be a better person today than you were yesterday. Growth gives us meaning and something to look forward to in life.

A joyful best life has many different facets. This blog has mentioned several different areas of life that we will fully explore in the near future. I plan on taking you along on a wonderful journey as we explore and discuss how to embrace life and live in the version of your best self.

If you have anything to add to this or any general questions on living your best life I would love to hear from you.

We are all in this together.

Living a joyful best life,

Kevin

Live your best life! 2019

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It’s the start of a new year and you are pumped to get going or keep going on your new years resolutions…right?!? Or, now that we are a few weeks into the year have you found yourself stumbling out of the gate? Do you need a push or a gentle reminder? Do you find yourself sliding back into doing “busywork” more than some of your most passionate work, you know…those things that actually motivate you?

We are all human, but that’s the point. We are human beings, not human doings. Sure, you have things that must get done every day but are you consciously making time for the things you really want to do? Making prioritization a priority?

As human beings we have the ability to make a conscious choice to embrace life, live our best life. But why do we get caught up in all of this busywork hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year? It could be because we flounder along in life doing what we feel we need to do, but we don’t take enough moments to clarify what it is that really matters to us. We just keep doing what we’re doing because others have told us that this is what we should do.

Have you taken the time to figure out yet what YOUR best life looks like? Living your best life may include many different areas including:

  • Health and wellness
  • Joy and happiness
  • Success (as you define it)
  • Mindfulness
  • Life purpose (as you define it. e.g. serving others, family)
  • Resilience
  • Attitude
  • Motivation

So, with these aspects in mind, how are you going to live your best life? Try this: get away from distractions and take a moment to picture yourself doing what you love to do whether it’s serving others, taking a walk in nature, slowing down at times to appreciate the little things in life, taking a course in something that you love, etc. How do you feel after doing this? Pretty good hey? If not, take your time and keep trying or try again later..but please don’t forget!

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Me on a hike in BC

So how do you get to this place of awesomeness, you know, your best life? TAKE ACTION! Sure, easier said than done. Maybe you don’t feel like it. So how do you take action on this then?

  • Put one foot in front of the other. Repeat. If needed, repeat again. And again. Never give up. Say it out loud, “never give up!”.
  • Spend time with who/what you love, even if it’s just for a few minutes. If you don’t know what you love, spend some time doing some research, or better yet try out some new things. Go do it.
  • Take an interesting course or read about something that’s interesting to you.
  • Say no to “busywork” sometimes. Try it, and don’t feel bad or ruminate over it.
  • Practice mindfulness. This means deep breathing, meditation, or even just remembering to put yourself back into the moment that you are in. Wherever you go, there you are.
  • Strike a healthy balance between work and play. At the end of life it would be rare for someone to say that they wished they worked more in their life.
  • Lose the attitude (but of course you don’t have a bad attitude right)? Consider that you tend to get out of life what you put into it, and that includes your attitude and effort towards anything and everything.
  • Make better choices. Stop and ask yourself if this current decision is beneficial for yourself, or serves others. If it doesn’t, is it the right choice? If it’s not that’s ok, but remember to consciously learn from any mistakes.
  • Find or do your passion(s) (hint: this will help with motivation). Don’t let your passions get lost for too long, you can never get that time back. The time to start is now!

One more important thing. Put aside all of the things everyone told you about who you are and what you should do. Now take some time to consider who you are…you aren’t lost look within, and consider what you love to do (your life purpose or passion).

Once again I’ll repeat this…then TAKE ACTION! Always remember that this is all on you, and you can do it. Make it happen.

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If you have anything to add to this or any general questions on living your bestlife I would love to hear from you. We are all in this together, and I want to learn from others too. We can all learn from each other on what constitutes your good life.

Living life as best I can,

Kevin